places I've found my hair:

in the dishwasher
in the refrigerator
stuck to the exterior of my car
wound around baby's fingers/toes
in a cat-sized pile in the corner of the bathroom
in a dresser drawer

Is it obvious that I'm ready for this post-partum hair loss nonsense to stop already? :p

first cold, I think

This morning she woke up and coughed. Uh oh. She never coughs unless she's eating too fast and inhales her food. And now she's been napping in her swing for the last hour and a half. This kid doesn't nap for more than 30 minutes at a time on a good day (there's a reason one of her many nicknames is the Queen of the Power Nap). She just woke up, looked at me, coughed pathetically a few times, and went back to sleep. :(

I thought it was sucky being sick myself. But giving it to her and having her be sick? A million times worse. I thought I was being so careful, washing my hands every time I blew my nose (and in the last two days, that has meant a LOT of handwashing) and before I touched her bottles. I know she was going to get sick eventually, and if she'd been in daycare I'm sure she would have been sick a long time ago ... but it's still hard to see her not feeling well.

Update: 2.5 hours and still napping. I just checked to make sure she's breathing.

that's what those are for!

In the last week or two, her hands have gone from balled up fists to useful body parts that can actually reach for and grab things. It's amazing that these milestones just happen on their own and don't need to be coached. She looks so excited and proud when she grabs and shakes her rattle. The fine motor skills still need some work, as she's always whacking herself in the face.

She recently discovered her feet, so rolling over is so yesterday. And she's doing this new funny thing with her tongue -- sticking it out and trying to grab and suck her top lip. I caught it on video, so I'll get it on YouTube sometime soon.

She seems so huge and grown up lately. In her big girl exersaucer and high chair this weekend:

we could be in for a long night...

Olivia has been sleeping since about 6 p.m. -- it's 8:40 now. She never naps this long, but perhaps her long weekend (3 hours total in the car today and being fawned over at the in-laws' house; total shrieky fussy not-like-her scary meltdown at my parents' house last night while we were out at dinner, effectively scarring them for life) exhausted her. I just hope it doesn't mean she's up all night, because I suddenly have a killer sore throat and runny nose and I'm surely going to need some sleep to get over the crud. Gah.

I took her to have 3-month photos taken on Friday. She was such a little ham! I get the photos back Thursday, so hopefully I can post them here then. I was of course a total sucker and got the 4-pose package. After all, how can you just let all of those adorable photos go to waste? They must hear cash register sounds when they see new parents coming in the door with their babies.

not quite the souvenir I would have picked

So, Dan's home -- but he's sick. He walked in the door and I immediately noticed he was stuffy. He attributes that to sitting outside in the cold for hours watching a Yankees game on Tuesday night. As the night went on, he started complaining of a stomach ache. By the time we went up to bed, he was sort of moaning and shifting around and doing that sighing thing. You know, the sighing that screams, "Hey! You might puke!"

If you know me at all, you know of my absurd fear of vomiting. This fear doesn't just extend to me, but to others as well. Tell me that your stomach hurts, and immediately I'm sweaty, queasy, and fretting. If you've actually vomited, watch out -- I might Lysol every surface in the house (in addition to sweating and fretting). My mind screams, "Did I touch anything they touched? What's that pain in my abdomen? OH GOD!!!"

In a show of my skill at being the most unsympathetic wife ever, I hopped out of bed after the second sigh and practically ran downstairs with Olivia, where she slept in her swing for 4 hours and I dozed on the couch. I say dozed because my mind was swimming with thoughts of kissing him (aka The Fateful Virus Transfer) when he arrived home. Nooooo! He must be really sick, because he stayed home today. I can count on one hand the number of times he's been ill since I met him. Eeek. I'm hoping he contains his germs to the upper level of the house, because thanks to our triage room (the guest room is stocked with diapers/wipes, outfits for Olivia, and a bed), I could live down here for a week.

Off to find the Clorox wipes and Lysol ...

konnichiwa!

My blog is being read in Japan! Ok, ok -- it's my sister, who's there visiting a friend. But still. I have an international readership! ;) I wonder if she'll let me post her karaoke videos here. Ha!

Two more days ...

Dan is on another training trip for work, this time in NYC. Instead of enjoying it, it sounds like he's pretty homesick. I don't blame him -- I would be miserable being away from Olivia overnight, never mind for several days or a week. He's going to a Yankees game tomorrow night, weather permitting, which will check another of the MLB stadiums off his list. I wish I could be there with him.

Yesterday wasn't too bad -- I picked up some junk food (shocking, I know) around 8:30 p.m. and headed to my parents' house. They entertained her and I was able to eat using both hands, a rare treat. I realized about halfway through my burger and fries that I was bent over and shoveling the food in ... sort of like someone who's used to their meals being interrupted might do. I wonder how I got into that habit!

Today we trekked over to Target, this time going to a different location because I feel like I'm at the other one nearly every day. And since I ran into the ex-husband the last time I was there, well, let's say that I wasn't all that keen to return. I bought a bunch of hangers for the closet in the hopes that I might be able to get all my pre-maternity clothes out of the Space Bags and hung up this week. I also got some safer baby wash/shampoo and lotion after consulting the girls on one of the message boards I'm on and the Skin Deep Cosmetic Safety Database. The Johnson and Johnson stuff we were using was rated a 4, meaning a moderate hazard. I got some California Baby bodywash/shampoo that was rated 1. Between this, BPA in bottles, soy products causing issues, organic vs. non-organic milk, and even play sand dangers ... ah, there's a lot to think/worry about. I'm trying -- though if you know me, you know it's a difficult feat -- not to panic and to just make small changes.

Speaking of milk, I should have bought some when we were out and it wasn't raining. Now we have none, but the thought of dragging her out in the elements just so I can indulge a cereal craving doesn't sound too appealing. I might have to eat some Oreo Cakesters instead. Healthy!

the eternal question

Let the baby sleep, or get up to pee?
Let the baby sleep, or go fix some food?

It's almost 8 p.m. She's been asleep in my arms since 5:30. I'm sitting here with my legs crossed, a growly belly, and a numb arm. But at least she's sleeping!

laughing

While I have time to post, I should note that I think Olivia sort of laughed today. The first time was this morning while looking at my brother-in-law, who is a Baby Whisperer extraordinaire and has no problem with making all sorts of funny faces and noises to amuse her. Then later at home, I held her up to the mirror and she did this little shy face and then what sounded a lot like a giggle. I tried to get it on video, but of course she didn't care to repeat the performance.

We've been wondering when she would laugh, so hopefully the gut-busting belly laughs are on the way!

where is my mind?

I used to be such a productive, organized person. I could rarely sit still long enough to watch TV unless I was also surfing the internet, knitting, and/or flipping through a magazine at the same time. Nesting while pregnant was great fun for me. I used the month off of work before O's arrival to make endless to-do lists, run around town doing errands, and organize around the house.

Now? Nothing's getting done. It's hard for me to find time to get on here and type up posts sometimes, and I usually end up doing it one handed. I don't want to let down my 10 frequent readers, you know!

I put some underwear in the washing machine ... oh, I think it was at least a week ago. No, over a week ago -- it was when D was out of town last. I managed to get them in the dryer that very same day thanks to my mom being here. So why is it I'm reduced to picking through the dregs of my underwear drawer? You know, the ill-fitting, stretched out, maybe even hole-y pairs that stay lodged in the back in case of emergency. Because I'm not sure where my underwear are. I know I didn't take them out of the dryer and bring them up from the basement. Could all of them really have disappeared into the abyss known for sucking up stray socks? I keep hoping that in a miraculous laundry miracle, I'll open my drawer and there they'll be, all clean and folded and plentiful. So far, no such luck.

Other things that are making me twitchy:

• Mail is stacked up everywhere. It seems like too daunting of a task most days, separating things into piles of File Away Somewhere One Of These Days, Recycle Eventually When You Happen To Remember To Put Out The Recycling Bin Or Drive It To The YMCA, and Shred So That Creepy People Who Prowl Recycling Bins Won't Open Credit Cards In Your Name Or Stalk You.
• I've had a recipe on the counter for three weeks (for lactation cookies - mmm, doesn't that sound positively delish?) and have yet to be able to bake.
• The water softener isn't working correctly, causing the kitchen sink to be all filmy with hard water stains. Accidentally coming into contact with the surface of it makes my skin crawl.
• In general, the house is a mess. Socks (both baby and adult) litter the living room floor, surfaces need to be dusted, and the general crowding of our main living spaces with things like a play mat, bouncy seat, and swing sometimes makes me think I've moved into Babies R Us.

It could be worse, though -- I could have to clean this place up enough to have a housekeeper come over and clean it. ;)

a new twist on basic black

Yesterday I threw on a black t-shirt -- classic, comfy, and one of the very few pieces in my wardrobe that actually fits these days. Within an hour or two of putting it on, I got a glimpse of myself in the mirror and was horrified at what I saw: big wet spots on both shoulders from drool and droplets of milk in a splatter pattern down my front, all complimented by a smattering of Kraft Macaroni and Cheese stains (the result of trying to eat left-handed while holding a sleeping baby). I remember the days when I could dash out of the house without having to thoroughly inspect myself in the mirror. I never did that, of course, as I've never been one to go out in public in sweatpants or without at least a hint of makeup.

Pre-Olivia, I used to laugh at the Suave "Motherhood" commercial (go to http://www.suave.com/, click Our Story, then Advertising, and watch "Anthem") and think that could never be me. Oh, but it can. And it is. Minus the dog and multiple kids, of course.

4 hours

Dan will be home in 4 hours! I'm absolutely giddy. With that, I'll leave you with some new photos (note the onesie especially for daddy's homecoming):

another day down

Apparently staying busy is the key to making the time pass quickly. We did a lot today: went to the post office to pick up the package that was waiting there, headed to Starbucks so I could self-caffeinate, and shopped at Babies R Us. We got home around noon and I realized O's pediatrician appointment was at 1:15, so I gave her a sponge bath (bathing her alone in her tub takes way too much time when I attempt it alone), got her dressed, and we were back in the car again.

She's 25" long and 11 pounds 15 ounces. The pediatrician was impressed that she's already rolled, and said she's on target for all of the things she should be doing (cooing, smiling, making eye contact, etc.). At the 2-month appointment I was told that she wouldn't have to have a shot again until 4 months, but apparently that wasn't correct info. She had to get the second part of her hepatitis B shot. It wasn't as traumatic (for me) as it was the last time, probably because I didn't have a lot of time to stew about it.

After her appointment we headed home and hung out around here for a bit, then packed up a bunch of stuff and went to my parents' house for dinner (the first real meal I've had in at least a week!). My aunt and uncle stopped by for a couple of hours so they could meet her, which was fun -- they told lots of funny stories about me, my sister, and my cousins when we were babies. I stayed over there way too late, chowing on peach pie a la mode and watching my parents play with Olivia.

Now we're home, she's in her swing but not sleeping, and I am ready for bed. I think she has other plans for tonight.

days 2, 3 and the 3-month milestone

Someone has been impeding my ability to type for the last two days! She's finally asleep in her swing with the creepy heartbeat noise setting that sounds more like a monster stomping through a metropolitan area than a heart. But hey, if that's what works, that's what we do around here.

Yesterday was a good day. I walked on the Monon Trail with my sister and we took turns pushing the stroller. What would have been a simple walk normally was a little on the strenuous side for my out of shape body, but I guess I have to start somewhere. We headed over to a little independent coffee shop after our walk. Olivia "danced" (with a little help from my sis) to the James Brown CD they were playing in the shop, which was hilarious. On the way home we stopped to vote. Did you know that babies aren't allowed to vote? I know! I was shocked too! Every time someone else came up to tell me that, I gasped. I went for a very mediocre dinner (gristly burger; hair in my cheesecake) at the Cheesecake Factory with a friend, and then we came home. Olivia slept from about 9:45 p.m. to 3 a.m., and then from 3:30-7 a.m. Rather than enjoy it, I of course spent the day wondering/worrying if she was getting sick.

Today was pretty good as well, though we didn't have as many plans. We went to Target to get diapers, hung around the house, went out to get lunch (which I ate driving around in the car because she was asleep in her carseat), and then met my cousin's wife at the Scholar's Inn Bakehouse for coffee and dessert. Sadly, they were out of their legendary cupcakes, so I had to settle for a giant snickerdoodle cookie. Poor me. ;)

The big excitement du jour was Olivia rolling over entirely unassisted -- on her 3-month birthday! She did it twice in a row, so I was able to capture it on video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W7xhQdY7Z3w

I haven't eaten anything of substance since the giant cookie, so I'm going to try to forage for food while the little one is sleeping.

Day 1 down, four to go.

All in all, my first full day of being home alone with baby wasn't too bad. At least not as bad as I'd expected during the throes of my shrieky, panicked "how am I ever going to do this?" phase that hit just as Dan was leaving for the airport.

She slept pretty well overnight. I woke up around 2:45 a.m. and was shocked she hadn't gotten up to eat yet. I almost never wake up before she does ... at least, not since the early days when just the sound of her breathing changing would have me sitting up in bed wide awake. I ran downstairs and got her bottle so that when she started to wake up, I could just feed her instead of going downstairs while her mild fussing escalated to full-on crying. She went back to sleep for several hours, so our morning was uneventful.

I decided to get us out of the house, so I packed her up and we headed to Dunkin' Donuts, which is relatively new to Indianapolis and way too close to our house. Actually, it's really not that close, but it's close enough that it always seems convenient to drive there. I got a fabulous Milky Way hot chocolate, a bagel with what seemed like a brick of cream cheese on it (I did scrape most of it off), and some donuts, figuring that I'd eat them over the next few days. Uhhh, yeah. I think there might be one left. Gah.

My mom offered to stop by in the early afternoon so I could put some laundry in the wash. She even made me coffee -- a skill I've never quite acquired despite having the best coffeemaker ever. Later, O and I tried to take a walk around the neighborhood, but she didn't love it. I couldn't quite keep the sun off of her unless I put the hood up on both the infant carrier and the stroller, which basically enveloped her in a little stroller cocoon and looked really absurd.

Cindy came over around 9:30 to watch The Bachelor: London Calling (hello, guilty pleasure!), and we chowed on pizza and breadsticks -- neither of us had really eaten much all day. She stayed until about 11:30, and it was so nice to have the company.

no nightlight big enough

We went out for a bit yesterday and came home to realize that we left the front door wide open. Uh. We have a storm door, which makes it really hard to even see if the door is open or not from the street, but still.

And it couldn't have been worse timing -- Dan left this afternoon for a week of training out of town.

Front door open
+ overactive imagination
+ home alone without husband
----------------------------------------
1 girl rocking in a corner practically sucking thumb
while envisioning various ways of meeting an untimely
demise at the hands of an intruder

My mom stopped by for a couple of hours late in the evening to help with Ms. Fussybritches, who seemed to know the instant her daddy left and let me know how she felt about the situation with incessant howling and not napping. While she was here, I inspected all of the closets, behind the shower curtain, looked under both beds, and even ventured down into the unfinished part of the basement. I was impressed at my bravery as I peered behind the scary furnace looking for whomever might be so bold as to enter someone's home in broad daylight, then camp out for over 8 hours. Though my rational mind knew that surely if someone had gotten in, they probably would have taken the opportunity to steal things and leave, or they would have grown weary of hiding and would have just come out and killed us already. Still, that didn't stop me from startling awake at every little creak of the house all night or jumping out of my skin when the cats leapt onto the bed.

It reminds me of the time when I lived alone that, upon being woken up in the middle of the night by a beeping noise I didn't recognize, I was convinced there was a murderer hiding in the loft closet sending and receiving text messages while waiting for the right moment to bludgeon me to death. What would they have said? "dude, wuz up? can't w8 2 kill da girl! c-ya." As it turned out, it was MY cell phone, sending out a sad, unfamiliar beep as the battery died.

I wonder if there's a category in the DSM for 35-year-olds who need a nightlight.

missing the mini

This time last year, I was trudging my way through the 13.1-mile Indianapolis Mini Marathon. It was the fourth year in a row that I walked in it ... this year was to be my fifth. I was so pumped full of adrenaline after finishing that I immediately signed up for this year. And then, the following week, I got pregnant.

It's not so much that my body wouldn't be able to do it -- I feel pretty recovered at 3 months, though I'm still towing around a good 30 pounds I'd like to shed. I just haven't had the time to get out and walk regularly. I laugh now when I remember asking some friends if I'd be able to do the Mini at 3 months post-partum. They all said I would probably feel fine, but no one bothered to mention the toll of chronic lack of sleep or just not having time to exercise during the day, never mind shower or wash bottles or do laundry.

There's always next year ...

12 weeks

I guess technically Miss Olivia isn't actually three months old until 5/7, but she's 12 weeks today. Close enough, right?

She went from this:

to this:

... in just three short months. She's grinning and talking a lot -- "ah goo" seems to be one of her favorite phrases these days -- and I think that a laugh isn't too far behind. She loves standing on our laps and looking around, and she finally noticed the cats (who are still none too pleased about the new family member).

People always said it would go quickly, but I had no idea. Who knew that sleep deprivation and weight gain would be so much fun?