Friday, April 25, 2008

the word genie should be interpreted loosely

Oh, Diaper Genie! What promise you held in your pretty box at my baby shower! Your shiny, white, unsullied and scent-free white container of diaper-stench-containing goodness mesmerized me. As I nested in the nursery in the weeks leading up to my due date, I pictured changing our sweet baby there and quickly tucking the offending soiled diaper away within your confines.

And then I used you.

"Is this a gag gift?" asked my bleary-eyed husband as he violently tried to ram a dirty diaper through the clenched, angry jaws of the Genie. "It can't be that hard," I smirked, chalking up his inability to conquer the Genie to new dad ineptitude. After all, it's listed as a Top Registry Item! on babiesrus.com. How can that many consumers be wrong?

They are so, so wrong. As I read
Wiped: life with a pint-size dictator, I scoffed at the author's description of her struggles to figure out how to use the Diaper Genie. Shockingly, she wasn't that far off.

The makers of the Genie should consider revising their instruction manual.

Step 1. Fold up dirty diaper so it is no bigger than the size of an Oreo cookie.

Step 2. Open lid to Diaper Genie. Curse as the lid flies off at the lightest touch and ends up under the changing table or behind the dresser. Retrieve it later, or not at all.

Step 3. Press diaper down into Diaper Genie.

Step 4. Keep pressing.

Step 5. Pause to swear. Resume pressing.

Step 6. Finally smoosh diaper between two hard plastic spring-loaded jaws into a bag of other soiled, smooshed diapers. Do so quickly so as not to release the toxic fumes building up within unit.

Step 7. Extract scratched, dirty hands from Genie's jaws.

5 comments:

zooaskew said...

I wonder if there's a purple circle couch at the bottom of the diaper genie. Also, gross. :P

Betseeee said...

I am dying laughing at your description! We have the diaper champ - it has its own special set of stinky problems. ;-)

Ahuva Batya said...

LMAO!! I'll be sure to practice before our due date, so I have this down pat.

Sarah said...

I love Dan's comment about it being a gag gift. Too much!

Sheilah said...

Hilarious! I could never figure those out - my in laws have them (we're a Diaper Dekor family here) and I was at a complete loss each time I tried!